Break ups.
Whether you’ve been through one already or will go through one sometime in the future, they’re not an easy thing. Especially when you have to juggle a full college course load, a job where you work too much and get paid too little and all the other little stressors and anxiety monsters in your life.
Wanna know how I know?
I was dumped by my boyfriend (and almost fiancé) of two years less than a week ago after he joined me for a therapy appointment at the request of my incredible counselor Eimy.
I was blindsided. Angry. And surprisingly, indifferent. I had felt for weeks that something was off with us. Hell, it was getting so bad that I would cry to him on the phone nearly every night, saying “I feel like you’re over me, I feel like you’re going to break up with me, I feel like you’re going to break up with me.”
Reading it back now, I feel… weak. And like I should have just called him out and dealt with it. But how does that fall on my shoulders?
I’m ranting.
Since then, I’ve changed my thinking. I’ve left those feelings behind for today and have thought, “what can I do to make myself feel better?” I know it’s only up to me and I’m in control of my life. So what now?
I turned to my friend the internet.
Searching up “how to get over a break up” and google felt, frankly, juvenile to me. As a twenty-year-old woman, I should have developed proper coping mechanisms to handle these kind of things, right? RIGHT?
Apparently not.
Thus, Cosmo came to the rescue. Their article titled “22 Ways to Get Over a Breakup Like a Grown Woman” was the number one result on google. So I clicked.
Leading up to this point, I wasn’t rally sure what I was looking for. I knew eventually I would have to just get over it but that’s not what I felt like I wanted. I felt angry and indifferent, not sad and lonely like I expected. However, for the sake of this experiment, I persisted.
- Block them from your Instagram/Snapchat.
“Like a grown woman?” Come on, Cosmo. This is the most childish item on this list. Next.
- Create an ex-free environment.
Finally, something I can do. Over the last two years, I’ve definitely acquired many letters, sweaters, rings and the like given to me from my now ex-boyfriend. So, I began to pack it all up. I didn’t feel the need to return any of it or toss it out. Every shirt, envelope and knick knack was neatly tucked away in the bottom of my closet after an hour or two.
It felt… interesting.
It felt like it wasn’t my idea. If I’m honest, I kind of hated doing this solely because Cosmo told me it would make me feel better. And when it didn’t, I just felt disappointed. Which got me thinking.
Why is it we turn to the internet and lifestyle magazines for the way to feel better? What happened to talking to each other, to soul-searching and doing what feels right? As individuals, we are just that. Individual. People aren’t just a dime a dozen. I mean, they are, but they’re not. Let me explain.
It sounds cheesy but every person really is unique. Mentally, physically, emotionally, every single person is different for the next. So why do we think an internet search can give us what we’re looking for to feel better?
In break ups, we look for the answers in all the wrong places. In life, we look for answers in all the wrong places. I think rather than looking everywhere else for answers on how to make ourselves better, I think we need to take our time and do some introspection. Yeah, it might have felt okay to get rid of all of my ex’s stuff. But the thing that’s helped me most is talking. And the thing that might help you most is blocking them on social media.
Learning about yourself and taking your time in hard life situations will, ultimately, lead you to a place where you can find true understanding and happiness for yourself.
College Lifestyle 